Mothers are a wealth of information.  As a woman, I’m not sure I’d be a fully-functioning adult without my mom’s guidance.

Mom schooled me on how to sneak overflowing shopping bags past my dad.  She showed me how to make a charcuterie board and a perfect pan of brownies.  I learned how to put on makeup, to look under the car before getting too close late at night, and to never show up empty-handed.

She made sure I understood that it’s important to stand up for yourself.  Hell, she even taught me to put in a tampon (I’m still scarred for life from that one, btw).

My mom taught me a lot, but she left a few key things out. She never really told me what it’s like getting older.

You know when something smells like rotten eggs and you shove it in someone’s face saying, “This is disgusting!”  It’s just mean!  Which is why I can’t blame her for sparing me the stinky part of getting older.

Me?  I’m not quite so gentle.  I’m sharing these little-known tidbits about lessons to you under-30 ladies.  Consider it a public service… just in case your mom tried to spare you the nose-crinkling reality, too.

10 Things Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About Getting Older

1. Chin hair – it’s not just for men.

We all had that aunt or teacher with the unruly chin hair.  Mine was a college professor.  My classmate and I often wondered, “How does that happen and why doesn’t someone tell her about the whiskers?” 

Silly girls.  It happens to everyone!  We’re all over here worried about going grey, but that’s the least disturbing hair-related occurrence.  These little chin hairs are prickly too.  Legit whiskers.  They just pop up overnight!

The reason no one told my professor about hers?  I’m pretty sure it’s because her partner was the same age… neither one of them could see the damn things!  Invest in a 10x mirror now.

2. Acne never goes away.

What’s a little chin hair?  At least you age out of getting zits, right?  Wrong.

Everyone’s skin is different, but I can at least tell you the acne gets less bad.  It still happens though, and it tends to happen right before you have an event to attend or an important meeting.

When I’m particularly stressed, it manifests as those delightful cystic zits that don’t have the decency to be pop-able.  Those are the WORST, aren’t they?!

Make sure to wash your face every night and don’t be cheap when it comes to moisturizer.  It won’t be as bad as it was when you were 14.  Hey, at least you aren’t dealing with the ever-so-sexy acne + braces combo anymore!

3. Everything hurts.

Let me preface this by saying that I have no regrets.

After a lifetime of softball, roller derby, weightlifting, running, and whatever else I could get into, my shit hurts.  After 30, I tore ligaments in my ankle and my ACL(s).  Both of them.  Even when I’m not doing major damage to my body, it just doesn’t recover like it used to.

This is not me telling you to stop working out.  The opposite!  It’s important to work out and stay in shape.  Being fit will help you as you get older.  Obviously, as women, it’s especially important to maintain muscle for bone health.

Maintaining healthy body weight is also really important for practical reasons.  It makes life easier!  I gained 20 lbs when we moved to San Diego 4 years ago and was blown away by how much harder the extra weight made activities that used to be simple. Jogging, climbing stairs, hiking, or just getting up and down.

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4. Elbows sag.  So do knees.

I knew the wrinkles were coming.  True, I thought I’d be a 35-year old unicorn who didn’t have them.  They came, and they arrived before 35.  What I really wasn’t prepared for was elbow wrinkles.

Saggy skin is for plump little church ladies!  False.  Saggy elbow skin is for people who are over 30.  It doesn’t matter how fit or thin you are, it’s going to happen.  It’s also going to happen to your knees.

I once read that Demi Moore had surgery to correct saggy knees. I get it now.  Not that I would go that far.  I draw the line at Botox.

Side note: I googled saggy knee surgery and was horrified at the way tabloids made fun of so many gorgeous women’s knees.  Not cool.  Let’s all do ourselves a favor and embrace the inevitable.  Which brings me to the final point…

5. You quit caring.

This is actually a good thing in my mind.  When I have something to say, I just say it.  I don’t worry about pissing people off.  I don’t have the patience for stupidity or people who are just exhausting.  Writing this, I realized I haven’t stepped on a scale in weeks.

True, I’m not as lean as I once was.  When I wake up in the morning, I look 50.  My chin hairs sometimes stick Vegas when I snuggle up to her. My knees crack when I walk up the stairs.

But I could give two shits.  I’m more content than ever.  With age comes the realization that stressing over bad hair days, skinny jeans that won’t button, and spending time with people that I don’t even like… it isn’t worth it.

Life is short.  If you don’t like something, you aren’t happy where you are, or you’re just too tired to sit in the bathroom trying to perfect cat-eye liner, I have good news for you.

You’re a grown-ass woman and you can leave.

[Tweet “Don’t miss these 5 things your mother never told you about getting older. #life #beauty”]

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Bonus: You can afford better wine. And red wine is anti-aging. 😉

What’s the most useful thing your mom taught you?

What would you add to this list?