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Never Was a Cornflake Girl

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I never was a cornflake girl…

Except for that time in MBA school when I was voted prom king...

Except for that time in MBA school when I was voted prom king…

Please, someone get the Tori Amos reference.

On my 30th birthday, I was going to rebel and not post the typical “things I’ve learned.”  But I guess I can be a bit of a joiner… here are 5 important lessons I’ve learned at the sage old age of 30:

1. Being Strange is GOOD

I wasn’t kidding – I wasn’t a cornflake girl.  I never really fit in.  That used to bother me, but – especially over the past 10 years – I’ve learned to embrace it.  Being part of the crowd is boring.  Love the things that make you unique!

This lesson was really driven home when I played roller derby.  The ladies on my team and in my league 100% embrace what makes them who they are.  They own it unapologetically, and I’m forever grateful for the experience (broken jaw and all).

Sakes

2. Learn to Say NO

It’s can be a good thing to be a little selfish with your time.  I find that I tend to commit to too many things, leaving little “down” time for myself.  While it’s fun and I love being active, I also need time to chill.

This is something I continue to struggle with (and have failed at over the past couple of weeks), but I continue to learn the lesson and I know that in the long run not saying yes is better for everyone (grumpy, over-extended Laura is no fun to be around).

hellno eirk

3. Be Sensitive to Others

This is a recent focus for me.  I used to associate being sensitive with weakness.  I was proudly selfish with more than my time.  While I still think being selfish to some degree is a good thing (see #2), you can go too far to the extreme.

Unfortunately the reason I’ve been more aware lately is because there are a few people in my life who I felt hurt by.  I always saw them as considerate, caring people, but I’ve recently struggled with some things and they sort of disappeared.  It hurt my feelings, but it was a lesson I needed.  It showed me that I was guilty of the same, and I’ve been working to modify that.

win friends

No more starting fires for me

4. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

This is something my dad constantly told me growing up.  All of us do stupid things.  We make mistakes.  We’re goofy and imperfect.  Laughing at yourself will save your sanity.

My sisters and I are polar opposites.  We tap dance on each other’s last nerve.  Like many of you, we’ve dealt with illness, loss, and fear.  We get through it all and forgive.  Someone farts in the middle of a heated debate and the room inevitably fills with laughter.  And a foul smell.

madi me alli

5. Love Your Mother

She is the one person who will love you unconditionally and will do anything for you.  She’ll drive across town at 2am when you have the stomach flu.  She will forgive you even when you act like a complete asshole (not that I ever do that…).  She will bathe you when you can’t lift your arms.  She will understand that sometimes you just need a hug.  She will go out of her way to make sure you celebrate turning 30 even when she feels like crap.

My mom rocks.

mom me and madi

Mom, me, and my baby sis on my 29th birthday

***

I had way too much fun going through old pics for this post.  So many fun memories!

What are some of the most life valuable lessons you have learned?

If you could go back 10 (or more) years and tell your self something, what would it be?  I’d tell my 20-year-old self not to be in such a rush to grow up!

Comments

  1. Man, I was going along, thinking how smart you are for learning all these thing by 30 (it took me a little longer), then you hit me with the last one. I totally agree, but it made me sad too. I lost my mom 20 years ago and still miss her everyday. So I hope that everyone who reads your post will love their mother (and hug her and kiss her, and never let her go). Sorry for the ramble but you got me going :-).

    Happy Birthday!!!!!

    • Thank you, Debbie! I completely understand losing a parent… not a day goes by that I don’t miss my dad. 🙁

  2. OMG I loved that Tori Amos song! Actually, that whole album and now it will be stuck in my head for the rest of the week. I didn’t know that you played roller derby. That’s awesome as are your lessons. I would also tell my 20-something self that there’s no need to rush to settle down and figure everything out, and to have a little more faith in the universe. Happy Happy to you!

  5. Thanks for the mom reminder. I’ve basically been an asshole to mine lately & I need to show her more love & appreciation!
    Happy Birthday, beautiful lady!

  6. I absolutely looove these old pics of you, you’re just gorgeous!! And I totally get each one of these lessons. Especially the one with taking yourself not too seriously. I make jokes about myself everyday and I let myself be imperfect meanwhile (I am 35, so I had already 5 years to practise

  8. Happy birthday Laura…hope it’s a great one! Your life lessons are spot on! Another one to add to the list is: You don’t owe anyone anything..except your mom :)!

  12. Happy Birthday!!!
    Hope you have a good one. Such a good post and definitely some important lessons to be learned there.. I think I would tell myself something similar to your #1..that it doesn’t matter to be different and to embrace it, don’t be pressured into feeling like you need to fit in.

  13. Couldn’t agree with you more -being Strange is most definitely good!
    Reminds me of Apple Computers’ commercial:
    “Here’s To The Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the
    square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have
    no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.
    About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the
    human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
    Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world – are the ones who DO !”
    ~ Apple Computers ~

  14. Happy Birthday, Laura! Wishing you many wishes for a fun, enjoyable and memorable year! You deserve nothing but all the happiness in the world <3.

  15. i agree with it all. Right there with you! and i love the old pics! Have fun this week/weekend. Happy birthday. Laugh, love, live, and eat, right? <3

    • Yes ma’am! I wish you were coming with!!! I look forward to our sponsored wine tour. 😉

  16. I was obsessed with that Tori Amos CD in high school. I’d tell myself of ten years ago to value myself more and think I’m worth it.

    Happy Birthday!

  18. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I don’t know if this makes me weird, but I kind of like getting older. I LOVED putting my early 20s behind me – I was so uncomfortable, awkward and… lost? I would tell my younger self to lighten up, and to stop trying to mentally “figure it all out” then.

    • We embrace weird here. 😉 I like getting older too. I wouldn’t go back 15 years if you paid me!

  19. Such a great post (and happy birthday!!!). My focus for the past year+ has been #2, which was always a HUGE weakness for me, and started having a negative impact on my happiness (and my husband’s). I’m proud to say I’ve gotten much better, although it’s still hard. If I could tell my 20-year-old self something, it would be to take a moment to reflect (as hard as that is for a 20-year-old) on what YOU want, rather than striving and pushing to achieve the next great goal. Define success your own way, not the popular way!

  23. HAPPY BDAY!!!!!!!!!! Loved this Laura!!! I also love that you are learning these lessons young! AND I love more than anything that you are YOU & unapologetic for that – be true to you!

    I learned to say NO a few years back – thank god! 🙂

    I do take myself to seriously at times…. need to work on that…

    Lessons Learned – Life goes by so much friggin quicker than you ever though so live it & embrace it AND you may lose people way before you think you will – I know you understand this one – so love them NOW!

    I would have told myself that I AM ENOUGH but I just never got around to trying to do that till now – hard life lessons!

    Have a beautiful bday like you!

    • Thank you so much Jody!!! Life DOES go by quickly… and the sooner you realize you are ENOUGH the easier it is, right? 🙂

  25. Definitely all great lessons! I adore the last one about loving your mother – mine will always be my best friend. And I had no idea you played roller derby, that’s so badass!
    Enjoy your birthday!

  26. First of all: happy birthday!!!
    Second: I love the title reference, I’ve always been a raisin girl. 😉
    I totally agree with you on #1! Life became so much easier when I quit trying to be ‘normal’. Accepting your inner weirdo is so freeing. And so much fun!
    I’d like to tell my younger self to stop hiding behind books and to start living life to the fullest. And that a successful career is not the answer to all of my questions. And that I’d marry my soul mate! Never expected that.

    • Cheers to the rasin girls!!! 😉

      Ah, the career lesson is the one I’m still trying to learn…

  28. Hmm I have learned so much since turning 30 it’s kind of amazing. I agree with not taking yourself too seriously and man the other stuff I’ll save for reflecting around my birthday next month, ha!

  29. Happy you shared all of these lessons learned.

    Being strange is good! I’ve always been odd. I won two awards on being weird. I’m proud of them.

    Learning to say no and chilling. Things that I continue putting into practice.

    Most importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Hope you’ve got some #strangebutgood mixings going around! xoxo

  30. Great photo of your Mom, You & baby Sister! I’m 50 now and it took me a lot longer to learn much of what you wrote. My main thing I would tell myself is to embrace my individuality. I am unique and still have a lot to offer. I no longer stress so much about being different and not quite fitting in.

  31. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

    yes, I think I have learned many of these things too (still working on the saying no thing).

    other things I have learned? (this one is my mantra:)

    Whatever You Focus On Gets Bigger

    Most people don’t listen. They’re biding time until they can talk (or thinking of how they come across).

    Breakfast is essential.

    Common sense is at a premium.

    Laughter IS the best medicine.

    <3

  33. And this is all why I think you’re amazing!!!! I agree with ALL of those, #2 in particular! I love your honesty, your strangeness and all around wonderfulness! Happy Birthday beautiful and I hope you enjoy your day!
    P.S. – My 29th bday is on Friday!! Woot Woot for July/Cancer birthday peeps! xo

    • You are so sweet! Thank you.

      Happy (early) 29th!!! I’ll toast to you from Napa. 😉

  35. Happy Birthday!
    I love your list and #3 is one that I’ve spent some time reflecting on lately for similar reasons to you.
    So awesome that you and your mom get along so well!!

    I would tell my younger self to not spend so much time worrying about what other people think of me because they probably aren’t thinking about me at all (at least in a judgey kind of way).

    • Sorry to hear that… #3 is a hard one to take!

      I love your lesson… why is it we all think people are using their energy to judge us?! LOL!

  36. wow! #2 & #4 have been my weakness for the last ten years but my two years of 30 have taught me to stick to both of them 🙂 I would have told myself at 20 to slow down, take a deep breath, remember that no else’s opinions really matter but my own (it is ok to be selfish in that matter- I cared waaaay too much about “what other people would think”) & to have fun!

    • Soooo right about being selfish. I shudder to think at the value I placed on other’s opinions early in life.

  37. LOVE Tori Amos, and Happy Birthday.

    I would say the two things I have learned that are the most valuable: Just because you share genetics doesn’t mean you owe the people in your family your life, and that they should respect you just like anyone else. The second is that when you are in a different place in your life than your friends, those who love you anyway will always be there.

    That sounds depressing, but it has been so freeing for me.

    • Not depressing at all – so true about those being freeing lessons. Tough, but freeing. 🙂

  38. I love this list, Laura. You’ve managed to not list the same ol’ cliches that ‘most everyone seems to trot out at “significant” birthdays, and as a result the words you’ve written actually have meaning – to you and for us. Thank you.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

    xoxo

    • Thank you, my friend! Means a lot coming from you… because I know you’ll be brutally honest. 😉 xoxo

  39. I remember you being crowned at MBA prom!!! Too much fun!

    And this is such a great list – so many blessings! Happy birthday, friend. I hope your 30th year is full of amazing moments!!

  40. Happy Birthday! This was a great idea. You’ve learned lots in your 30 years!!

    When did you get that picture taking where you are lighting the book on fire? Love it!

  41. good post! I love my mom, she is so awesome and prob my best friend! Happy 30th!

  42. Happy Birthday to the most Awesome, adventuresome, driven, beautiful 30 year old daughter I have!!! She is definitely a lot of woman in a little body as my dear friend Ann’s husband says about their youngest!
    Yes my three daughter’s are night and day different, but as they have matured, they have learned to appreciate their uniqueness….at least most of the time….but they can tap dance on each other’s nerves like professional dancers!
    When I need a hug I can count on Laura for the best hugs EVER! She drops everything to be there for me!
    When she’s around it feels like having a little bit of her dad with me! She is a lot like him and I know he is so proud of who she has become so far and I’m sure there is lot’s more to come!
    Happy Birthday My little baby girl! I love you!
    Love,
    Mom

    PS
    This love for cooking and trying new things…..blows me away! She use to only eat bologna sandwiches, grilled PBJ’s &

  44. I LOVE this post. So many great thoughts (and pictures! You burning that book is gorgeous!) I have the same type of relationship with my mother and I savor it!

    Have such a wonderful birthday!

    P.S. I turn 25 on Thursday and totally have to keep telling my current self to stop trying to grow up too fast!

    xx Kait

  45. First off, happy birthday! I will tell you that I really feel more like me in my 30s than my 20s. I was the girl that was always forced to be a certain way by my parents. My 20s were my break free years when I went against their wishes and married the love of my life. I tried so hard to keep them in my life, but my 30s have really taught me that you can only try to make certain people happy for so long, but when you start to lose who you are, then it’s time to break free. I am now, for the first time in my life, really me. I think you’re amazing! I love the lessons you’ve learned along the way. Also, if you ever need anything, seriously, I’m always here! Not kidding. Love you lady! xoxo

    • I am so hapy to hear that. Breaking free is a powerful thing. 🙂

      You know what I need? To have our get together!!! xo

  46. Happy Birthday beautiful! I hope you’re having an amazing day and I love the short list of lessons you’ve been more aware of and learnt throughout your life. There’s certainly a lot I’ve learnt in my past years and experiences.
    <3

  48. Completely agree with all of these, except #5. I’m thrilled to be having a daughter because it means I get another shot at a healthy mother/daughter relationship, the one I have with my own mother is strained and will never improve. In it’s place, a valuable lesson I’ve learned is to not let perfect be the enemy of good. My perfectionism has stalled me from reaching my goals more times than I can count, but I’m getting much better.

    I have no idea what I’d tell my 20 year old self for fear that anything I said could change history to put me somewhere other than where I am now. I’ve done a bunch of dumb shit that I regret over the last 10 years, but all of it has led me to this present happiness, so I can’t complain.

    • I didn’t realize that… that is really awesome you have the chance to build a great relationship with your daughter. You are going to be a fabulous mom!

  49. Oh, Laura- reading this post makes me just miss you SO much!! (and I just love you so dearly!!)
    OF COURSE I get the reference. That’s one of my favorite songs of all time! And I’m not a cornflake girl (do you know the meaning behind the song? Yeesh!)
    We are so damn similar in so many ways- and I’m so thankful for that. It’s nice to have a few people that just GET you. You are beautiful, in every single way (whoa… did I just quote Xtina?)
    I hope you enjoy your 30th birthday- you have arrived! I wish I could give you a plane ticket for your birthday- but I know you’ll find your way here soon.
    Also- you have an ad for O’Dell brewing on your page right now- one of my FAVORITE local beers!!!
    xoxoxoxo

    • I miss you too!!! and of course I know the meaning… 😉

      The fact that you quotes Christina just makes me love you more. I think my plan to move to Denver needs to be executed.

  52. there are so many life lessons we have learned over our 30 years — one being confident in yourself and never give up. And enjoy the little things in life – to name a few. Happy Birthday beautiful! and welcome to the 30’s club!! hugs

  54. You do NOT…. I repeat… NOT… Want to know what I did in these past ten years.

    Nope. You don’t. LOL! However, I DO AGREE WITH YOU: MY MOM ROCKKKKSSS TOO!!!

    DID YOU DO A BACKFLIP OFF A RHINO INTO VANILLA FROSTING YET?

  55. Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people!! I’m still working on the “say no” thing too, but getting better. The biggest lesson I’m constantly learning is to put the first things first, because you might not get to them otherwise.

    • That actually suprises me because you seem to be handling the adjusting/balancing so well with blog and workouts and the “real” world.

      This weekend all you have to do is say “YES, I would like another.” 😉

  56. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!:) I relate so much to this post! I’ve simultaneously learned so many of the same things you mentioned. I love how as I get older I’m a little less strict on myself, yet still take care of my health and don’t care what others think so much. I finally embrace being a little weird and different too:) Oh, and glad someone else thinks their mom totally rocks as much as I think mine does:):):)

    • Awwww… thank you! This just makes me want to organize a mother-daughter get together. 🙂

  58. I love that Tori Amos song, although I need to be in a certain frame of mind when listening to that entire album. There are some truly haunting parts. What’s not haunting though (awkward intro)? You turning thirty. Happy Birthday Laura. I love your hashtag #dirtythirty I’m stealing it, and I’ll tell you what. Your thirties are awesome. Seriously, I thought my twenties were great, but my thirties have blown those out of the water. Not that you were short on it before, but you have more confidence and can really accept who you are and those are around you for who they are as well.
    P.S. I think I just told you that you’re over confident, dirty and haunting. Maybe we should go to sensitivity training together. Ha.
    Happy Birthday!!

  59. Yay! Happy Happy birthday! 30 is a fun year. I’m 33 and still can’t quite believe it. That’s why your Tori Amos reference was not lost on me (I was obsessssed).

    What are some of the most life valuable lessons you have learned? Never take anyone or anything for granted.

    If you could go back 10 (or more) years and tell your self something, what would it be? I’d tell my 23 year old self to never give up on dreams and never settle! The struggle of being different is always worth it in the end.

    • Man, if I had leanred not to settle earlier in life… I can’t even imagine how much further I would have been. Oh well… no regrets!!!

  60. 30 is quite a milestone. Love this post, however, the mother thing is not universal truth. Sure we all should love our mother, but to those who are emotionally (or worse) abused, I hope that by 30 they learn to set boundaries with their Mother. And not feel worthless because Mom isn’t willing to do the things you mention. I think I started to get it at 30…

  62. So, so wonderful. These are beautiful thoughts, and I found myself nodding along with everything you said. [Especially that part about your mom loving you unconditionally, doing anything for you, even when you aren’t the best daughter…guilty as charged.]

    Happy 30th! I’m glad to have known you for even the small time that I have. I can’t wait until we live closer. You can help me celebrate MY 30th? [Next August. But I’d love for you to help with 29, too. ;)]

    • Thank, Sarah. Cornflakes are overrated. 😉

      And YES we will celebrate 29 and 30 in style!!!

  63. I love you. And I miss you. And at the risk of coming off conceited because I honestly have no idea who you were referencing, I hope I haven’t hurt you by “disappearing” lately. Honestly, I could use a little work on the just saying no thing too. Today has been the first time in a LONG time that I’ve had the day to myself and have done absolutely NOTHING! Well, except using the last couple of hours to thoroughly #broccolibomb the hell out of your blog! 😉 What I need to do is to get better about expanding my commitments and not letting certain people monopolize my time. It’s been far TOO LONG since I’ve seen your gorgeous face and that needs to change.

    xoxo

    • I miss you too! Even if you are terribly conceited… KIDDING! No, I don’t mean you but I would loooooove to see you soon. Please? 🙂

Trackbacks

  1. […] first.  My actual birth DAY was fabulous – I was totally overwhelmed by the comments on this post and on Instagram.  If you get a chance, look back at everyone’s “lessons […]

  2. […] July.  It’s my birthday!!! […]

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